Friday, 20 April 2007

It could only happen in Hollywood

Here it is - a Top Twenty of Hollywood cliches - think about them, they are all true:

1] During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2] If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.Patrick's Day Parade (at any time of the year)
3] The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want.
4] If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammo, even if you haven't been carrying any.
5] A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious of beatings but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
6] If a large pane of glass is visible, someone sometime, will be thrown through it
7] The Chief of Police is always black.
8] The same Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective or give him 48 hours to crack the case
9] Cars, boats and trucks that crash will inevitably burst into flames.
10] All bombs are fitted with an electronic timing device with large, easy to read readouts - just in case the hero can't see properly
11] A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty (see No.8)
12] Heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts? No worries, your attackers will only come at you one at a time, after dancing around for a few steps
13] A person who has been knocked unconscious by a blow to the head will never suffer brain damage or concussion (just the screenplay writer)
14] No one involved in a car chase, hi-jacking, explosion or volcanic eruption will ever go into shock
15] Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite (The Lethal Weapon Syndrome)
16] A credit card, hair pin or paper clip can pick a lock in second - unless there is a burning child in the building
17] The average hotel pool is deep enough for you to survive a fall from any floor
18] An Asian crime lord is bound to have a daughter named Jade or Lotus Blossom
19] When faced with an enemy armed with an automatic weapon, he'll fire at least a clip's worth at the hero and miss, hitting anything else: lamposts, the ground or windows. Or hero will return fire with his .45 and kill the gunman in only two shots.
20] When all foreign villains are alone they prefer to speak English to each other.

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